Hidden Voice

Final

In our language there is a saying: Ndiwelimilambo enamagama (I have crossed famous rivers). It means that one has travelled and, in the process, gained much experience. Indeed, I had since 1934 been crossing important rivers of my country: Mbashe, Great Kei, Orange and the Vaal. I had seen new places and new faces, absorbed new ideas and renounced old ones.

Mandela, Nelson. “Long Walk to Freedom.” Little, Brown and Company,1994, pg 59

Immense vibration, the shaking and creaking of metal. Was this me or was this the plane? I still recall sitting there flying thousands of feet above the ocean with a sense of fear. Fear for what was to come, where this journey would lead me, who I would become through this. But most of all fear of the unfamiliar cultural and social aspect of this new world. I remember striking up a conversation with an older lady a few rows down from me when I got up about why she wasflying to the United States. She was more than happy to talk about herself and where she was from. While talking about how she grew up in South Florida, she went into a story about growing up and going to trick or treating in her beach town; The words coming out her mouth were indeed English but for some reason I was unable to grasp onto the conversation fully. This led to me internally screaming because the kid who speaks multiple languages, the kid who thrived on new experiences was now unable to communicate due to a difference in culture and not in language. What happened to me? Why was it happening to me? This was a rude awaking. In that moment, I was unable to project my thoughts and was unable conversate with clarity because I was struggling to understand. It was the first time in my life I felt inadequate when it came to conversing. The embarrassment of constantly having to ask her for clarification on what she meant when telling her story was truly a mortifying experience that left me wondering about what more language and culture may have to offer.

Scurrying back to my seat, I remember the feeling of embarrassment but overall, a feeling of curiosity. Curiosity about my prior conversation with the lady but for the many more to come. Curiosity for this new way of speaking the very language I have spoken all my life. Yet have now having discovered a new form in which allowed me to challenge the idea that there is one way of speaking English; Wondering why if we both were brought up speaking the same language, why was it so different? What changed that so drastically altered the way in which we were able to communicate. Was it the culture, or as it just the way this one lady was raised that had now sent my brain scrambling for answers. I recall looking through the movies I had never seen before on the screen in front of me and turning on The Smurfs. The weird blue creatures in the big apple; for me this was America, this was what I knew but watching it I remember truly for the first time listening to the way people spoke and to what they said and how they said it and it was fascinating. It took me into a world that I had never been and allowed me to imitate and learn new ways of expressing myself through speech. Though at the time, I may not have understood that this new way of perceiving speech as a whole, would be the spark to a deep internal passion and desire I have to understand humanity and the way in which it socially functions and interacts  on a day-to-day level while also allowing for the differences within these day-to-day interactions to not only show how cultural background but speech itself can alter dependent on where we are raised.

As I sit here and write this, I can’t help but to feel a sense of remembrance and pride of where I have come from in that moment. Throughout my life since moving to the United States of America, I have had to take a step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself to not only just listen but to truly internalize the context behind the conversations I have on a day-to-day basis. Whether that is with the conversations I encounter in University in a such as in my Global Issues class when debating I require myself to take a step back and to internalize what was said before I respond or when I am traveling and I am surrounded by altering opinions and cultural outlooks and I have to navigate myself through them while also remaining in touch with ideas and concepts behind the conversations. To take into consideration that though I was raised in a different culture, with different social constructs, I strived to continue to push myself into interactions that allowed me to flourish with my capacity to communicate. I found passion in communication; though the plane interaction was a small moment in time it had greater impact with regards to me learning that not everyone speaks the same way in the context of the drastic cultural difference in my case between the way South Africans communicate with each other compared to the communication style of Americans.

            As I have gotten older, I have had to challenge myself to develop methods of putting myself in the context of others. This has not always been the easiest thing for me to take on, especially because I take great pride in who I am and what I believe. However, the ability to see the world in the light in which I am uncomfortable has been crucial to my growth and development and has allowed me to find deep passion in education and the complexities in which it allows me to academically challenge myself and pushes me to think critically and to devolve intellectually. As part of my academic studies within my field of Political Science, I am able to challenge and engage through not only written but verbal communication allowing me to develop a wide understanding of cultural structures. This shift in my academic life and way of taking in information has given understanding not only to how people function on an individual level but as a collective and the manner in which they communicate. This shift also allowed for me to see that politics is a dirty field, full of obstacles and thought inducing debates. However, it is the very lively hood of us all in the United States. It allows me to see the unjust and broken long held beliefs about immigration, cultural identity and systematic inequality that have plagued our daily interactions the visual, written and verbal ques. Language now is a powerful tool in which I use to push myself forward and break boundaries, it has inspired me to want to continue my fight for what I believe and to create change. The commitment I have now engrained into my daily life to encourage others to look beyond their differences and to listen to each other and to take a step back and listen to the context and meaning behind the words coming out has shone through in my goal of wanting to become a Politian to inspire more to take a lesson from language.